Encounter in the Woods
by red champagne
Summary: They meet in the woods, and Sakura finds out just how evil the Akatsuki can be. HUMOR oneshot deisaku


**_Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto._**

Sakura fell backwards, landing none-too-gently onto the ground, propped up against the tree. After a long, hard, mission, she just wanted to go home. But that didn't seem possible, seeing as it was almost midnight, she had half the way to go, and she was out of chakra. A gentle thump was heard and her eyes flickered open. In the darkness, all she could see with her tired eyes was a black cloak and long, blond hair.

A girl?

"I chipped a nail, un!"

Definitely a girl.

"Itachi's gonna kill me, un."

Or not.

Pulling herself to her feet, Sakura, as quietly as she could, slipped around the tree trunk, hoping that the shadows would cloak her so she could see if he just passed on. Suddenly, it seemed to hit her. Blond Akatsuki member. Feminine. Deidara.

"Oh, shit."

"Who's there, un?" Deidara, who had been facing the other direction in a search for fire wood, spun around, pulling out a kunai.

With a sigh of resignation, she swung into the clearing, hoping for the best.

He seemed amused at the sight of her and put down his weapon, obviously not finding her a threat. She wasn't going to delude herself either. In her state, weakened and at chakra level zero, his assumption wasn't wrong. "What's a girl like you doing all by yourself out in the big, dark woods, un?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Sakura retorted, letting her smart-aleck mouth get the best of her for a brief second. She cursed her stupidity. She was probably going to die because of it.

His eyes narrowed. "What's your name, un?"

"Sakura."

"Ah, the one who killed – "

"Yeah."

"You – "

Sakura wanted to sleep. She wanted to sleep really, really badly. "_I_ am tired, I am hungry, I am grimy and dirty and haven't taken a shower in five freaking days, so," she took a deep breath, "if you're going to kill me, would you please do it quickly?"

He seemed amused. "Kill you, un? Why?"

"Isn't that what you do? You come across random people and just start slashing away like Jack the Ripper?"

"Jack the who?"

"Jack the Ripper. You know," she made slashing motions in the air and emitted a strange _kshk-kshk-kshk_ that was supposed to be rumbling, "chainsaw-wielding, hockey-mask wearing serial killer?"

He laughed. "I'm not some sort of mindless killing machine, un. You're not part of my mission, so you're not my business." He eyed her. "Unless you want me to kill you…?"

Sakura threw her hands up in the air, obviously exasperated. "What kind of person _wants_ to be killed?"

He slowly sauntered toward her, wrapping an arm around her waist. He pulled her close. Using his index finger, he gently pushed her chin up until she was looking in his eyes.

_Damn_, he was tall. Of course, coming from her, whose height was at a below-average 5' ½", every one was pretty damn tall.

"Then what _do_ you want, Sakura?" he murmured, voice silky and deep.

How in the world had she questioned his masculinity? That voice was _damn_ sexy.

Her lips parted slightly and she licked them, breathing a little harder.

He bent down and kissed her, probing the inside of her mouth with his tongue. His brow furrowed, suddenly finding her quite unresponsive. He pulled away.

Her eyes were closed. Not, _oh-my-gawd-he's-an-awesome-kisser-I'm-in-bliss_ closed, but a _zzzzzz-I'm-totally-asleep-and-his-efforts-at-seducing-me-are-totally-useless_ closed.

He sighed, setting her down back against the tree. Glancing down, inspiration struck.

BREAK

Straightening, he surveyed his work. Please, he jumped up into the trees and left, wicked smirk adorning his face. Teach her to fall asleep on him.

BREAK

Sakura awoke, goose bumps erupting down her arms and thighs. Looking down, she saw she was clad only in a tank top and her underwear, goose bumps on her arms and legs. She rubbed her sleep-blurred eyes blearily, not really minding until she looked down again.

_Deidara's property, do not touch! If lost, bring back to Akatsuki headquarters._

That _asshole_! He had written all over her _light pink _tank top with _black marker_! Sakura searched for her clothes, stomping from one side of the clearing to another, only finding her sandals, headband, and a few scrolls and weapons and medical supplies.

Letting out a shriek of fury, she punched the nearest tree, splintering it in half and watching it crash down onto the ground with a bang. Minutely satisfied, she headed toward Konoha, leaving a trail of destruction in her wake.

No one in Konoha, not even Naruto, dared ask the pink-haired Kunoichi why she didn't have her clothes on, why she had a missing nin's name scribbled across her chest, and why she didn't just stealthily sneak into her apartment and get a change of clothes.

* * *

**This was an old oneshot that I discovered laying around. I looked it over, replaced a couple words, and decided to toss it up here! Review please!**

**- Red**

**Edit: You know how some people just don't update for days, weeks, months at a time? Despite the fact that that's usually me, I'm actually on fanfiction _backup_ at this particular point in time. I don't want to, you know, spam the pages or unleash them all at once, so keep an eye out, and check out my other stories, and you can be sure that more will follow!**


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